Origins 2008 Blog! Entry Three

Alert! Blog entries this week were written one week prior, on Saturday (morning), June 28!

Exhaustion was the name of the game yesterday, cats and kittens! Well, exhaustion…and WEGS, and Call of Cthulhu, and Settlers of Catan, and a little game called Hex Hex by Smirk and Dagger Games.


Back to the 2d10 and 2d6...


Willy the 2 tries his best to kill us all.

Jules and I began the day by pestering Willy the 2 in his morning “Dungeons OR Dragons” scenario, and helping to show off the system that brings craps to the geekdom table. I’ve really got to hand it to the WegsHogz—for never having done the booth-and-games thing before, their experience really shows. Their games have always been packed, and it’s been a non-stop stream of patrons at their fantastic casino/booth. Kudos to them!


Jules' Ranger faces death head-on


My Dwarven Sage against the Tentacle-Dragon.

Afterwards, we actually managed to make it through the dealer hall for once. Three days into the con, and I had yet to actually even take a look at most of the products coming out. If it’s one thing I noticed, it’s that the “flea-market” comments from last year did not fall on deaf ears. All of the booths, by default, were given black backdrops upon which to hang signs and merchandise. Simple, yeah, but it really classed up the place. Plus, despite the numerous places selling and buying used games, the feel was much more of a industry-insider show, with nearly all booths running open demos of games.

One of the neatest little surprises was a fellow I stumbled upon while demoing Dungeon Slam! for El Willy and his crew—-this being Smirk and Dagger Games’ Curt Covert. We talked a little about the game up in the breezeway but, as it was nearly 3 am by that point, he asked me to stop by his booth for a chat. As such, we ended up there, talking shop and trying out Hex Hex, a demonic little game that combines alchemical magic and Hot Potato into a nice little combination. I’ve got to say, he’s quite the sell at this—-I’ll probably be buying Hex Hex today—-but I definitely appreciated the chance to ‘talk shop’ with another real live professional.


Lionel gets "Dutched" at Giant Settlers of Catan

After taunting El Willy some more, regarding his Midnight Special, Jules headed off for some Settlers with Lionel and Maranda. I hung around and watched, getting the chance to both see them get schooled by another woman (who proudly bore her Knight of Catan emblem), and put together my surprise for El Willy—the new and improved Nordling: a Humz Trickster dabbling in Mage, and able to pull off a Flaming FryBall and an Enchanted Weapon. Locked and loaded, I was ready to go.


So, you get wood..."


Jules, being way too excited about clay.


I've got wood for sheep, if anyone else does...


The cities and village of Giant Settlers of Catan

Unfortunately, our dinner plans at the fabulous Japanese Steak House on High Street had to be put on hold, as their operating hours just didn’t mesh with our next games. As such, we headed to Barley’s next door before Dan, Jules, and I headed off for some Call of Cthulhu.



Jules' attention is rapt in the Rogue Cthulhu room

I had seen “Byhakees in Toyland” last year, and knew I absolutely had to get in on it this year. The premise? It’s Christmas Eve, and all the toys are awake…and something’s very wrong. Playing a sentient box of Legos, I helped My Little Pony, the Blue Power Ranger, and a PokeBall (amongst others) to the bottom of what was going on. Unfortunately, we hadn’t counted on Plush Cthulhu! My little block-man gibbered and stabbed his way to a near TPK, before being put out of his misery by Optimus Prime.


Our valiant GM, and a Power Ranger from "Byhakees in Toyland"


Rainbow blindings and stuffed bear maulings at "Byhakees in Toyland"

Call of Cthulhu ended somewhat early, so I had a chance rest up before the WEGS Midnight Madness game, where we headed off in search of Ogma’s Orb of Obliteration. The trash talk on the Table Top Gamers message boards was thick and heavy prior to this game, so I knew we were in for a challenge.


Ebbs and Lionel prepare for the Friday Midnight Madness WEGS-a-thon


Rachel mulls her mini options


The three forces combine--The ShroomEaters, the WegsHogz, and the Witt-Weggers

Our adversary? The mummy KlattaBarraBoo, a massive Triple-88 who lay deep within the caverns beneath the Dwarven Monestery of Banturbury. With Trickster Nordling at the ready, I was ready for some combat...


Ogma's Orb of Obliteration awaits!


Trickster Nordling leads the charge...

After a brutal three hour session, the game ended in stalemate, with our party losing Spoints by the handful and KlattaBarraBoo down to 1/3 of his usual massive health. It was a massively entertaining game all around, particularly when getting faced down by the “Dwunks”—that is, Dwarven Monks—and their Flaming Fists of Fury. The pictures can tell the story here...


Time to Skorp!


The first fatality--a ShroomEater falls


Run, Nordling! Run!


Ebbs Gnobbits his way across the board.


Valiantly facing KlattaBarraBoo

As you can imagine, getting back at 3 am has left me more than a little exhausted, but I have plenty of time this afternoon to nap away. I adjusted my registration yesterday, ending up with two new seminars—one focusing on game publication with Michelle Nephew of Atlas Games, and a q&a with D&D guru Mike Mearls (yeah, him again!). More on these later, as I have all of 5 minutes to get there! Oi!

Laters, cats and kittens! Hopefully next update won’t quite be so long!

Origins 2008 Blog! Entry Two

Alert! Blog entries this week were written one week prior, on Thursday, June 26!

Last year, I promised myself that I wouldn’t wake up so damned early for games. That…well, doesn’t seem to be the problem. Last night was a long one, and after today’s sessions, I’m utterly bushed!


Burn the heathens! In the name of the Emperor!

Dark Heresy last night was an absolutely pleasant surprise. I had somewhat been expecting something of a heavily tactical, minis-driven firefight, but the investigation elements of DH really came to the fore. Playing a Tech-Priest for the first time, as well, proved to be interesting, particularly when I managed huge successes on Tech-Use when trying to open our “mysterious device” and access its contents.


The mysterious device...oooh!


The device finally opens!

The highlight of DH, though, was Ebbs’ transformation: using his Psyker’s “Firestorm” ability, he rolled heftily on the warp chart…and became a Daemonhost! The game ended with him annihilating most of the party in warp-flame, amidst much Chaos. Tons of fun, all around.


Guess who likes the warp effect chart!


Tech-Priest Celadon stays to the rear...

From the end of DH, Lionel and Ebbs retired, as Dan and Jules joined me in waiting for El Willy and his crew for some Dungeon Slam! Only problem was…we didn’t count on the tornado! Herded by security, we were herded into the lower levels of the convention center where we waited out the storm.


"Dungeon Slam!" at Origins 2008


Watching the chaos as the WegsHogz throw down...


Turning the tables on Jules and the WegsHogz

By the time El Willy and his crew wrapped up, it was nearly 2:00 am, so our session with the Mad Mage was an utterly short one. I do think, though, that a reprinting will soon be in order—my cards are getting pretty well marked up!


"So, let's add that Luck bonus in..."


The Mad Mage's tower is tiring at 3 am!

The morning today began with a quick breakfast with a compadre from Wright State’s Adventurers’ Guild and a trip off to play Hell Rails. Unfortunately, I was the only player! As such, the organizers sidled me into a game of Union Pacific—a rather bland, PvP railroading game. I ended up winning the game, but I felt like it had much less to do with strategy and much more to do with simple utter luck of the draw.

Immediately thereafter, I trucked on over to the Rogue Cthulhu room for Beyond the Sea, a 1960s investigation, where I played Police Detective Dom “The Bug” Coccinello, who was looking into some mysterious murders surrounding a new casino opening. I love the style of the Rogue Cthulhu games, and this was no exception.


The Rogue Cthulhu Banner


The Great Cthulhu rises from the RC room floor!

Our GM—an old vet, Jennifer—ran us through a fantastic story, which ended in full Cthulhian style…with my character insane, and his private eye counterpart both insane and dead (by my hand, no less!). Fantastic session, made only better by the familiar Rogue Cthulhu faces.


"How much Sanity am I losing?"


Smiles from the Rogue Cthulhu game--"Beyond the Sea"


"We're stranded, going crazy, and probably going to die...there's nothing like Call of Cthulhu!"

Dinner was rushed, though I can’t help but mention North Market. It’s so easy to get sick of the fast food in the Convention Center Food Court, and the freshness at the Market is such a wonderful difference. I was running pretty ragged by the end of CoC, so a quick curry was really refreshing for me, before heading back to Hommlet in 4e.


Dan, Rachel, and Emily in the dealer room


Andy and Dan, being fabulous


The crew at North Market--Dan, Emily, Maranda, Lionel, Ebbs, and Rachel

After my earlier difficulties with the RPGA, I wasn’t sure what to expect with Return to the Moathouse, since it was being coordinated by the same people. That said, my first impressions of the game soon dissipated as we delved into a new version of the Temple of Elemental Evil’s Moathouse. The throwback was really fantastic, and the guys around the table were much more sociable than the last RPGA group that I had run with at Origins. I did feel a tic out of touch—all but one of the other players was from the Arlington area, in Texas—the jokes were flying and good tactical suggestions were offered on all sides. I’m not sure if this will cause me to re-evaluate my feelings on the RPGA—there’s still way too much paperwork and bureaucracy—but it’s a start, at least.


Fireball!

That said, playing my Tiefling Wizard was an utter blast, and my earlier opinion on 4e stood up to a higher-level game. Flaming Sphere is sheer fun, rolling around a boulder of fire across the battlefield, running over enemies. Brilliance!

As for tonight, I’m ready for a long nap. I feel like I have a long day tomorrow, with two games of WEGS (including the Friday Midnight Special!) and another Rogue Cthulhu journey, but I’m not the only one. Within two hours, Dan, Maranda, Rachel, and Ebbs head off to Mutant Academy…from 2:00 am till 5:30! Oi! They’re troopers…I’ll be sleeping by then.


Lionel feverishly sorts his new cards

Till tomorrow, fellow gamers…stay tuned!

Origins Blog 2008! Entry One

ALERT! Blog entries this week were written one week prior, on Wednesday, June 25

After a long and chaotic Tuesday, we arrived at Origins around 6:30. Lionel, Ebbs, and the gang had already signed into the rooms and had gotten registered, so the PlatinumChick and I were running behind, picking up our badges that evening and all but collapsing on Ebbs and Co.’s floor.


The Entry to Origins at the Greater Columbus Convention Center


The Wednesday Registration Line--Glad that we avoided this!

Wednesday, though, has had me up early—my first game of the con: none other than 4e D&D, in a revamped run-through of “Keep on the Borderlands”, courtesy of Amorphous Blob games. Having not had a chance to play 4e yet (or, for that matter, play with the AB group!), this was quite the opportunity.


"Keep on the Borderlands" with DM Andy

And, speaking of, it very nearly became something quite memorable. As we were sitting down, reading through our pre-gens, who showed up but Mike Mearls—senior brand manager for 4e! Because of the game, I didn’t get a chance to speak with him (nuts!), but the people who were there on generics really got a treat—noting the lack of DMs, and the number of wanting players, Mr. Mearls sat down and started rolling up an adventure for them! Man alive! Nothing like getting kicked out of a game, only to pick up another one with the creator of the bloody game!

I was honestly really impressed with that. As not only a busy lead designer and an Origins Guest of Honor, Mearls was probably busy beyond belief, but the fact that he’d set aside some time for people he’d never met, who weren’t even registered for a game in the first place really speaks to his character. Kudos to him.


"More bandits, eh?


"Attack!"

As for 4e? The system sparkles. I ended up playing a female tiefling warlord—Rubella—who was nothing short of a combination of Miss Piggy and Red Sonja. Because of this, I ended up spending most of the session hitting on the poor fellow playing the hunky half-elf cleric! Luckily he (and the rest of the group, as well!) were good-humored sports, and the role-playing was taken with the humor with which it was intended. Anyone who says you can’t role-play in 4e is sadly mistaken—it’s all in how you use the system.


Rubella's ready for action!"

Speaking of, the fun just kept rolling. Every round, I felt like I could do something where I could contribute—whether it was just providing an ‘Inspiring Word’ to heal a comrade (or myself, after nearly being taken down by a kobold!) or moving comrades around the battlefield with Wolf Pack Tactics. The system transition, which was something I had worried about, was all but nil; the powers were easy to pick up and just as easy to use.


The party skirmishes with some kobolds..."


"Are we really sure about this?"

Surprisingly enough, I was shocked to see that Amorphous Blob had their own prize table, much like Rogue Cthulhu last year…and even more so, when my fellow gamers nominated me to pick something out. I came away from my first game at Origins 2008 with a free copy of Mutants and Masterminds 2e, free of charge! Not a bad deal!

I left AB Games just in time to catch up with the rest of the Witt-Weggers en route to their Call of Cthulhu game, and left them to catch some lunch, luckily with Scott from Wright State’s Adventurer’s Guild. Scott and I chewed the fat about his own D&D PvP event here at Origins, then parted ways as he headed off for registration.

After a filling dinner with the Witt-Weggers at BD’s Mongolian BBQ, we were lucky enough to run into El Willy and his crew, just about to head to dinner. That saved us a call, as we were able to set up our plans to test Dungeon Slam! later tonight, after El Willy’s game!

Well, with that, I have to get prepped for some Dark Heresy, and then get primed to lay the smackdown on the WegsHogz in DS. There’s more to come, cats and kittens! Stay tuned!

Back from Origins!

So, Jules and I rolled in this afternoon, and are dead exhausted after a crazy week in Columbus.

Expect the blog entries--and with them, my post-con wrap-up--to appear this week, in chronological order! Cheers!

The Warlock's Official Origins Game Fair Schedule!

Wednesday, June 25:

Keep on the Borderlands--Dungeons and Dragons 4e--9:00 am to 12:45 pm

Hunt for Heresy--Dark Heresy (Warhammer 40,000 Roleplay)--7:00 pm to 9:45

Thursday, June 26:

Hell Rails--11:00 am to 12:45 pm

Beyond the Sea--Call of Cthulhu (BRP)--1:00 pm to 4:45 pm

Return to the Moathouse--Dungeons and Dragons 4e--7:00 pm to 10:45 pm

Friday, June 27:

Dungeons OR Dragons--WEGS (GameWick Games)--10:00 am to 1:45 pm

Byhakees in Toyland--Call of Cthulhu (BRP)--6:00 pm to 11:45 pm

Friday Midnight Special--WEGS (GameWick Games)--12:00 Midnight to 3:45 am (Saturday)

Saturday, June 28:

Getting Started in Game Design--Seminar--9:00 am to 10:45 am

Fallen Angels--Dark Heresy (Warhammer 40,000 Roleplay)--8:00 pm to 11:45 pm



If you're in the neighborhood next week, come and join me in some geekery! I still have some slots open, if you want to throw some dice!

In Which The Warlock Jumps The Gun (and Possibly The Shark)...

I've genuinely been debating on whether or not to do this. After receiving the books last Friday, I've been reading through the 4e core books, but have not (alas! alack!) been able to put together a game with the Witt-Weggers. As such, the opinion on them is still somewhat unformed.

Right now, I'm sure that very few people (relatively speaking) in the roleplaying world have actually played 4e. Many have, no doubt about that, but with the two mega-cons still coming up and the books only (officially) a week old, it's really difficult to provide an intelligent, well-researched review.

However, I'm a geek. One with regular Internet access, no less! Opinions are getting tossed back and forth like cannonballs across the D&D blogosphere....boy, now that's a phrase I never thought I'd type. People on ENWorld are very 4e friendly, already building fan creations and running play-by-post games. Paizo, on the other hand, has become a refuge for 3e grognard-ism, with some waiting for their Pathfinder release and others swearing that they'll never switch editions.

And me? Well, I'm here...waiting for Origins, for my big shot to play. But, in the meanwhile, I guess I'll give my two copper, as usual.

Let me put this out there, nice and clearly: This is only a "first impressions" review. This is in no way a playtest review. I have not yet played 4e, and all opinions that I'm about to divulge are based only on having read the books. Take that as you will.

Okay, legal-ese out of the way, here we go!

When 4th Edition Dungeons and Dragons was announced, I was genuinely pissed off. I had a feeling it was coming--rumors had abounded about delays in Wizards of the Coast's product schedule and gaps in their release dates, but little was certain. When their site went all "4 Adventure!" during their stint at Gen Con, "my doom was nigh!" as I tell the wee ones at Summit.

If you've been reading this blog at all--you few, pathetic souls that do--you know I've been on the fence for a while. Well, based on actually sitting down and reading the books, I've finally picked a side--if 4e plays out half as good as it looks to, I won't be playing 3.5e again for a long, long time.

While 3.5 revolutionized the way that D&D worked, streamlining it in ways that were unfathomable to even the most veteran game designers, it seemed to be a victim of its own success. Simply the idea of a unified dice mechanic (d20 + ability + training vs. Difficulty Class) brought the whole gaming culture under its wing. Yes, others have done it before, but this is D&D we're talking about--it's so head and shoulders above everyone else in terms of sales, that they're not even on the same chart!

The problem with that with the streamlining came massive discrepencies. While 3e was massively playtested (with incredibly positive results), later products were put out with much less playtesting, including entire new rulesets which did not always mesh well with the model 3.5e was putting forth. The Psionics rules, as well as the rules set down in Tome of Magic come immediately to mind.

In addition, 3.5e was very much centered around optimization--regardless of what you did, you wanted your character to be "Teh Best Evar!" at it. As such, we saw builds arise that utterly defied logic. One of my biggest complaints about the D&D play at Origins last year--particularly through the RPGA--is that it utterly rewarded those who min/maxed their little hearts out. The guy playing a Str 22 Half-Orc Rogue/Fighter, comes to mind, particularly as he utterly demolished my Str 16 Paladin, wielding a polearm. Don't even get me started on any magic users--particularly clerics and druids, who were known to beat other classes at their own schtick without even trying.

But, that was 3e. This is 4e.

4e took a somewhat radical approach in deciding "Hey, wait a minute. D&D is meant to be a party-style game. How about we focus on a group, rather than each individual in the group?" As such, they finally took the veils off of their readers and gave each class a "role". Fighters and Paladins are "Defenders," for example--their role is to soak up hits that others can't take, deal moderate damage in melee, and provide a central point for others to move around.

Simple thinking, I know, but it sometimes gets lost in the shuffle. With all of the optimized builds out there in 3e, the idea of "what you're supposed to be doing to help the guys around you" got utterly lost. Did you hear about the charging paladin that could deal 16x his Strength mod on a lance-Power Attacked-Charge? Yeah...no more of that.

The decision to drop half-orcs and gnomes as races didn't quite bother me so much, though I was disappointed to not see Orcs as a fundamental player race. Dragonborn, though I loathe to write this, aren't really that bad, though the Tieflings seem somewhat out of place in what's supposed to be a "points of light" setting where civilization has been living in fear of demons and the like. That said, they are still a breath of fresh air into a particularly run of the mill set.
I was pleased to see that no race gets penalties to stats any longer--I can't count how many times that -Cha penalty has hurt my ideas for a Dwarven Paladin or Sorcerer. No more!

Classes are much the same, and I was not sad to see Bard go the way of the dodo. Seriously...bards? Little sing-y lute-players? This is a dungeon, man! Give me something serious!

Replacing Bards are the Warlords, martial captains based on the 3e idea of the Marshal. He fulfills the "leader" role, along with the cleric, as a light tank who buffs the party and can provide healing. Curious about this class, with which I had no prior experience, having not purchased the 3.5 Miniatures Handbook, I statted one up--as written, the idea is particularly unique. My warlord is particularly good at granting extra movement to allies, temporary hit points, and can trigger "healing surges" in a pinch, allowing allies to heal themselves.

Accompanying the Warlord (and replacing the Sorcerer, who is set to come out in a later supplement) is the Warlock, complete with 3 types of pacts--fae (from the realm of Faerie), infernal (typical deal with the devil), and star (holy Cthulhu, Batman!). Curious about this one, as well, I immediately statted up a warlock, as well. Ironically, this may in fact be my favorite class so far--the simple fact that I can drive foes insane by flinging them into Ry'leh (or whatever the D&Dism that matches it is) makes me a happy person.

Something new this time around is the idea that every class has "powers", which is peeled right from the earlier 3.5e release (and 4e harbinger) Book of Nine Swords. While I had feared that this might give a little more of the kung-fu flavor found in Bo9S, I was pleased to see that this wasn't the case. Rather...

...in 4e you get a unified progression of powers that all classes are able to follow, which keeps the classes balanced against one another in terms of ability.

No more do we have Wizards who can annihilate the battlefield in 2 rounds, then have to rest to refresh their spell slots. Similarly, no more do we have a Fighter or Paladin who's stuck with his +1 Longbow at 21st level, simply because the enemy's flying. While having a hard and fast limit on abilities seems somewhat contradictory to choice, the ability to retrain powers and feats at each level allows for customizability options par excellence. Find your group doesn't benefit from that one encounter-power? Change it out for something different next level. It's that simple.

I realize this post is starting run long (really long! oi!), so I'll highlight the next few important issues very briefly:

1) The skill system has been massively overhauled and is much simpler. The skill list is fully 1/4 of what it used to be in 3.5, which is spectacular. The skill challenge system, as put down in the DMG provides for great non-combat encounters that are still challenging for players.

2) CR, for all intents and purposes, has been scrapped. Instead, we get an even more customizable system--simply pick the level of encounter you want, and you get an XP budget based on the number of players you have. Buy the monsters you want, and let it rip. Simple, streamlined, and easy to keep track of.

3) Monsters are cool again. While they've dropped much of the "ecology" section, it's been replaced with combat advice and restructured versions of several monsters, which keeps them viable at multiple degrees of play--called in 4e "tiers". I will admit, the Monster Manual has been the least favorite of my new reading material, but it's had to compete with the PH, which is no easy task.

4) The amount of bookkeeping, overall, is much, much lower. The conditions chart, which was 4 pages long an edition ago, now takes up 2/3 of a page. The combat rules, which were a massive section in 3e, is maybe half of the size. The massive amounts of "out of combat" spells that were in every supplement--they're rituals now, and much easier to deal with.

5) Yeah, no more Great Wheel. :( Maybe they'll have a Planescape setting come out sometime...

6) 4e's tactical and movement focus seems to heavily push the battlemat. Then again, the same thing was said about 3.0 and 3.5e when they came out. That said, 4e makes me want to use a battlemat. That's saying something, considering that I've been gaming for 15 odd years with only sparing use of one. The abilities in terms of terrain and movement just seem to mesh with it so well, particularly as a DM.

I guess, all told, my verdict is massively positive. The things that drove me nuts about 3.5e--the prep time, the massive stat blocks, the rules bloat--have all been tossed out the window. That said, 4e really reminds me--bear with me here!--of WEGS! Simple, quick character creation...powers for every character...tactical combat...Eerily similar, no? Now, if only I could find some time to play!!!

Oi! In Which The Warlock Has a Bowl of Motza Ball Soup...

On a whim this past Saturday, the Witt-Weggers stepped out and caught another of the big summer blockbusters--one which I really hadn't factored in, when I ran down my big-ol'-list earlier in the summer. As such, here's my review of Adam Sandler's You Don't Mess With The Zohan:

Imainge if you will, the most farcical face of a Rambo flick you can possibly farce your way through. Now add in about 16 gay jokes and the additude of the immortal Charlie SheenHot Shots! (or, for that matter, its even better sequel Hot Shots! Part Deux!). Wrap those into a thinly veneered Israeli-Palestinian conflict and you have You Don't Mess With The Zohan: Adam Sandler's latest self-produced comedy vehicle.

Sandler stars as The Zohan, an Israeli counter-terrorist who's about two points away from being Neo in terms of impossible stunts. Within the first 5 minutes, The Zohan's already catching bullets in his nostrils and playing ping-pong with hand grenades against his newly released nemesis, the Palestinian "Phantom".

However, The Zohan isn't satisfied with the life of a sex-crazed kill machine--all he wants to do is style hair, as he cries alone in his room, clutching his 1980s Paul Mitchell catelogue like a pre-teen journal. Faking his own death, Zohan escapes off to New York City, in the hopes to achieve his dream.

The action centers around Zohan's escapades in a Middle-Eastern NYC neighborhood, as he works in a Palestinian salon for Dalia (the absolutely gorgeous Emmanuelle Chriqui). However, his secret identity is soon revealed, and his Palestinian foes come calling. However, as both ethnic groups are being forced out of the neighborhood by a wealthy industrialist, they must find a way to join forces against him, in order to keep their businesses afloat.

Let me be nice and blunt for a moment. ...Zohan is not a movie that you could possibly go into seriously. It's Zoolander meets Hot Shots!, and is absolutely absurd. The special effects are cheesy, the running gags are continual (just look for all the hummus!), and the bad accents are everywhere.

That said, ...Zohan is absolutely hilarious. The writing snaps and pops, put forward by Sandler himself, Judd Apatow, and SNL writer Robert Smigel. The dialogue is rife with constant gags and one-liners, which keep you laughing throughout the duration. That's a good thing, because ...Zohan runs for a solid 2 hours--it's long for a comedy, but it works.

The biggest difficulty with ...Zohan is the fact that it takes no risks. There's nothing here that we haven't seen before--how many times already have I mentioned other movies? It's funny, which means it set out what it was meant to do, but it really isn't that groundbreaking. Even the casting shows this, as Adam Sandler strings along Rob Schneider for another go-round. Schneider, predictably, is a lull in the laughing.

All in all, ...Zohan is a good movie, and worth a rental, but I'm kind of glad that I didn't pay for my ticket. Hang onto your ticket money, and catch it on DVD.

In Which The Warlock Enjoys 4e!

Well, friends and neighbors, I've made my decision. 4e rocks on toast. The problems found so frequently in 3e--the rules bloat, the necessity of prestige classes, the bizarre feat trees and prerequisites--are gone. Classes are but perfectly balanced, and I'll be happy to play any of them. I still miss things like the Great Wheel and the like, but the benefits far outweigh the drawbacks.

So, on that note, here's a eulogy for the fallen system...

Friends, Gamers, geeks, lend me your ears;
I come to bury 3e, not to praise it.
The evil of any edition lives after it;
The good is oft interred with its bones;
So let it be with 3e. The noble designers
Hath told you 3e was broken:
If it were so, it was a grievous fault,
And grievously hath 3e answer'd it.
Here, under leave of WotC and the rest--
For WotC is an honourable corporation;
So are all the designers, all honourable men--
Come I to speak in 3e's funeral.
It was my friend, faithful and just to me:
But the designers says it was broken;
And WotC is an honourable corporation.
3e hath brought many joyous nights in dank basements
With many an orc slain and princess rescued:
Did in this 3e seem broken?
When with a character concept you were so inspired, 3e did abide:
The meaning of broken should be more closely defined:
Yet WotC says 3e was broken;
And WotC is an honourable corporation.
You all have rolled dozens of characters if not more,
With profession, craft, and knowledge skills,
Each character having his own alignment : was this broken?
Yet WotC says 3e was broken;
And, sure, it is an honourable corporation.
I speak not to disprove what WotC spoke,
But here I am to speak what I do know.
You all did love 3e once, not without cause:
What cause withholds you then, to mourn for it?
O Player base! thou art fleeting to a new edition,
And men have lost their reason. Bear with me;
My heart is in the coffin there with 3e,
And I must pause till it come back to me.

I can't (and won't!) take credit for this great transciption--it's from a guy named “ElDragon”, found on ENWorld.

In Which The Warlock Finds a Lost Post!

(Note--This was actually set to be posted right before 4e came out, but somehow got lost in Blogger somehow! Weirdness! At any rate, here's some humor for ya!)

It's official--The Warlock is changing over to 4e. The system just drips systematic coolness, and the streamlining efforts that were made have paid off in dividends. There are still some problems, but by and large, the difficulties made present by 3e are all but gone.

In light of this, here's a eulogy!

Friends, Gamers, geeks, lend me your ears;
I come to bury 3e, not to praise it.
The evil of any edition lives after it;
The good is oft interred with its bones;
So let it be with 3e. The noble designers
Hath told you 3e was broken:
If it were so, it was a grievous fault,
And grievously hath 3e answer'd it.
Here, under leave of WotC and the rest--
For WotC is an honourable corporation;
So are all the designers, all honourable men--
Come I to speak in 3e's funeral.
It was my friend, faithful and just to me:
But the designers says it was broken;
And WotC is an honourable corporation.
3e hath brought many joyous nights in dank basements
With many an orc slain and princess rescued:
Did in this 3e seem broken?
When with a character concept you were so inspired, 3e did abide:
The meaning of broken should be more closely defined:
Yet WotC says 3e was broken;
And WotC is an honourable corporation.
You all have rolled dozens of characters if not more,
With profession, craft, and knowledge skills,
Each character having his own alignment : was this broken?
Yet WotC says 3e was broken;
And, sure, it is an honourable corporation.
I speak not to disprove what WotC spoke,
But here I am to speak what I do know.
You all did love 3e once, not without cause:
What cause withholds you then, to mourn for it?
O Player base! thou art fleeting to a new edition,
And men have lost their reason. Bear with me;
My heart is in the coffin there with 3e,
And I must pause till it come back to me.

P.S. I can't really take credit for this whatsoever--this is courtesy of “ElDragon”, as found on ENWorld.

In Which The Warlock Makes His Christmas List Early...

One of the nicest things about Origins is the fact that it's almost like Christmas comes twice a year for this geek. Yeah, there are no presents, but there's geekdom! And that's just as good.

To be perfectly honest, it's really difficult not to spend a whole pile of money at Origins. When you're in that dealer room, and there are something close to 200 different vendors and game publishers selling their wares...it's incredibly tempting to just grab a shopping cart from the closest Wal-Mart and just say: "I'll take one of these, and two of these, and four packs of dice, and a new dice-bag, and a mint-in-box Ravenloft boxed set..."

...and, at that point, this Warlock would be poor. Completely poor. Totally and absolutely destitute.

So, last year, I set a spending limit: $100. No more, no less. Now, naturally, this amount didn't count the food we got while there--that's an entirely different matter!--but it kept me from breaking the bank. And boy, it would be easy to. No doubts about that one...

So, with that in mind, I decided to set up my own little Wish List. Without further ado...here we go:

Wargaming Backpack

My backpack, which has seen me through the final days of high school, through four years at Wittenberg and another year at Earlham, has finally bit the dust. It's full of holes, the leather is wearing through, and the straps are worn so pitifully that I can barely carry it any longer.
As such...this will fit the bill. When one of your selling points is your ability to fit a footlong hoagie in one of the "side compartments", you've sold me.
With luck, the PlatinumChick will be nice enough to get this one for me before Origins, so I can use it there...(subtle hint, right?)

Inquisitor's Handbook

With our Dark Heresy game in full swing, I'm eager to see what the first real supplement in this stand-alone game is like. I've heard good reviews of it over on rpg.net, but I have yet to really see any of the content. From what I understand, it includes alternate choices for each of the career paths, as well as equipment and (boy, I'm sure hoping for...) vehicle rules. I was debating picking up the adventure compilation Purge the Unclean as well, but I've never been a big fan of pre-packaged adventures. While the temptation for new storylines would be good, I'm not sure how much milage I'd actually get out of these.

Kingsport Horror

We Witt-Weggers have been fans of Arkham Horror for a while, but I've been torn about which of the expansions to pick up. Curse of the Dark Pharaoh was fairly unimpressive, so I can write that one off just about immediately. We've gotten more milage out of Dunwich Horror, but we've pretty much played that one out. I was personally intregued by the King in Yellow expansion, but that's mainly because I'm a sucker for Has...yeah, and you really thought I was going to say it. :D
However, Kingsport Horror seems to have what I'm looking for--new locations to visit, some new rules to try out, and an effect to balance with Arkham's gates--the vortices. I'll be intregued to see how it all pans out in play.

Koplow Dice Trays

One of the problems with our current gaming space is, quite literally the lack of space. In our living room/dining room, I typically sit on our futon, whether I'm GMing or playing, which doesn't give me a lot of room to roll dice on.
As such, I picked up a Dice Boot. That was a mistake.
The Dice Boot was fairly fragile, made up of clear plastic pieces which did not snap together correctly and would fall apart at the slightest breeze. Further, the lip on the front side--where the dice would fall to--was not large enough. So, frequently, my dice would end up on the floor or under the futon: exactly the reason I had purchased the Dice Boot in the first place!
So, I figured...let's go simple. Elegant, felt-lined, and self-contained, a small dice-tray should fit the bill.

Those are the big expenditures so far, but I'm sure there'll be more...I'm eager to see what HellRails, a new game I've signed up for, is like, so that may be on a purchase list. Not to mention if I find any old 2e Planescape or Ravenloft source material. And that's to say nothing of the $10 SJ Games booth, complete with cheap minis and the Exact Change Dance! And if there's a good Cthulhu t-shirt...or Cthulhu swag in general...or some old Heroes Unlimited game material...

Sigh. So why did I have this $100 limit again? Oh, yes...to keep from going broke!

In Which The Warlock Wishes His Fedora Still Fit...

So, earlier today, the PlatinumChick, Lionel, and I went off to The Greene, out in Kettering, to catch a glimpse of yet another massive summer blockbuster. This time on the agenda: Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.

To be perfectly blunt about this, I've been skeptical about this installment. Yes, I know--I was first in line when it came to the Star Wars prequels, but the casting in those was different; we weren't relying on a 60-something to be a pulp-action hero. And, for that matter, there weren't the massive scripting issues, or the disagreements on the pre-production level. Hell, in many ways, we were lucky that this film even came out. To say the least, I went in with reservations.

That said, onto the movie!

Indy IV opens in high style, with WWII long over and the McCarthyism of 1957 in full-swing. We find our titular hero being dragged into Area 51 by some disguised Commies led by wannabe-psychic dominatrix Irina Spalko, played by Cate Blanchett. It turns out that the Commies are in search of an artifact...an alien body, recovered from Roswell 10 years prior...and an accompanying crystal skull.

This results in a madcap chase across the better part of the Western Hemisphere, ending in the Peruvian Amazon Basin as our heroes--Indy, the resurgent Miriam Ravenwood, an aged and insane John Hurt, and the greaser Mutt (Shia LeBoeuf, whose name I can't help but chuckle every time I hear, as I think "Shia the Beef"). Pursued at every turn, Indy and Co. attempt to return the titular skull to an ancient lost city that might-or-might-not be El Dorado and might-or-might-not be an alien spacecraft. Particularly standing out is the end of the 'jungle chase scene', which culminates with a horde of angry stinging ants carrying away and feasting on unlucky Commie soldiers.

The plot, while servicable, is a distinct departure from the Indy films of old. The pseudo-mysticism of the first three films becomes a Fortean paranormalism in this film, which is reminiscent more of Hellboy or The X-Files than Raiders of the Lost Ark. The problem is...this isn't just a normal action film! This is Indiana Jones, for sweet Zombie Jesus' sake! The whip and fedora are certainly present, but the feel is off...

Any movie that makes me want to run game can't be bad, but in this case...I'd rather be running a paranoid DarkMatter/Warehouse 23 than pulp-ish Eberron.

There's nothing technically 'wrong' with the film. It's a fun little action flick, with some great scenes. Any movie that makes me want to run game can't be bad, but in this case...I'd rather be running a paranoid DarkMatter/Warehouse 23 than pulp-ish Eberron.

Harrison Ford's performance in this go-round really was solid, and as I mentioned, John Hurt does a fantastic job. I honestly could have done without the contrived reunion with Mirian Ravenwood, and the romance sub-plot felt particularly tacked on. What hurts, though, is the lack of a really powerful villian. Cate Blanchett drifts in and out of her Russian accent like the tide coming in and out, and she never gets beyond the 'hot chick in a tight uniform with a sword'. Shia LeBoeuf, similarly, leaves me wanting. Compared to prior Indy sidekicks--John Rhys-Davies' Sallah comes immediately to mind, followed by Short Round--Mutt Williams falls short quickly. While the movie makes him something of an heir-apparent to Indy's whip and fedora, I'd probably avoid a movie that focuses on LeBoeuf as a new Indy.

This is going to sound weird to say...but I was genuinely not impressed by John Williams' score. Coming from someone who owns all of the Star Wars soundtracks, I love John Williams' work, but this time around? No risks were taken, and nothing was rewarded. The soundtrack was servicable, at best, but not memorable or sweeping, as I've come to expect. Definintely one of the sadder points in this one.

I guess nostalgia is the biggest killer for this one. I remember the Indy series fondly, so this film had a ton of expectations to live up to. It's a good movie, really...it's just not the way it once was. If it had any other name than Indiana Jones attached to it, I'd love it. But, in this regard, its own name is its biggest flaw--it cannot possibly be too much.

So go enjoy it for what it is. Just remember...it's not the second coming of the Lost Ark or the Holy Grail.

In Which The Warlock Prepares for Brain Surgery...

I realize it's been a tick since I last talked about this, but it bears mentioning. The Friday night Dark Heresy game utterly rocks on toast.

The plot so far has been very close knit and claustrophobic. The PCs, en route to the Calixis sector, were placed into cryogenic stasis. However, as they traveled, an unknown force ripped the ship in half, leaving them adrift in a decaying orbit around the capital of the sector, Scintilla.

The players discovered the last bit of this in last session, as they found their way to the Astropathic Navigation Cathedral, and then to the Piloting Chamber. The only problem was who found the Piloting Chamber--Brandon's character, an Imperial World Assassin.

Typically, only Psykers (powerful psionic characters) ever even see the Astropath chamber, much less the Piloting Chamber. When the Piloting Chamber is entered, mindless servo-drones essential "jack" the character in, using various neural cybernetic interfaces. And, by neural cybernetic interfaces, I mean "Data Jacks wired straight into your medulla oblongata and spinal cord".

Brandon, as you can imagine, did not have the appropriate neural jack.
Now, he does...sort of.

So, the session tomorrow opens with the characters under arrest by the Adeptes Arbites troops, and are being taken to the High Inquisitor of Scintilla, after crash-landing the half-ship in a massive conflagration. And Brandon? Well, his character's unconscious, at at the tender mercy of the Scintilla Chiurgeons...who have a bedside manner not unlike a combination of a Terminator robot crossed with Hannibal Lector.

This, needless to say, is going to be fun, as a GM.

Now, this is to say nothing of Fred's character, who was injured by a Daemon several sessions ago, and has an infection steadily spreading up his left leg.

Yay for GM fun!

In other news, I've kind of kept my opinions down on D&D recently. I've felt more than a little burned out on D&D for a while, and I'm only now really coming out of it.

I guess my disillusionment with D&D came with the finale of Dungeon magazine. I really enjoyed Paizo's run on it, and while I hadn't played any of the Adventure Paths, the concept of them intregued me as a DM tool, and I was actually kicking around the idea of running Age of Worms for quite a while. That is, until the finale of The Savage Tide AP.

You see, the capstone in The Savage Tide (no spoiler tags here--deal with it) is a confrontation with DemoGorgon, the Prince of Demons, in his own layer on the Abyss. The concept is brilliant: the players spend 4+ sessions wrangling allies--other Demon Lords, Archon Angels, the Witch-Queen Iggwilv, the Stygian Boatman Charon--and basically invade DemoGorgon's stronghold in a massive plane-shaking war. Awesome, epic stuff.

Or, it would be.

DemoGorgon's stat block was no less than 4 pages long. There's so much text there, which will almost never be used, that the game becomes a bad Cold War analogy--whoever strikes first manages to avoid the Mutually Assured Destruction of bad gaming mathematics. So we're clear, this was not a once-in-an-adventure thing. The adventure needed its own specialized appendix for all of the character stats in the adventure, which made running game painful.

I ran an epic game during my time at Wittenberg. While the concept was engaging--a Celestial-driven planar crusade--the game bogged down in the details. Players did more book-keeping than they did role-playing, as they tried to keep track of all of the massive details inherent to the 3.5e system. Others were upset when the wealth system seemed out of sorts as to what was expeted to get. The game became more about "the game" than "the story"...and that pissed me off.

I guess I'm a sucker for rules-transparency. I love Call of Cthulhu because if you're doing it right, the rules fade into the background. Dark Heresy is much the same way. I like D&D at its best when I do not actually use a battlemat--I tend to feel like that mat takes up more of the focus than the story does, which makes the game more tactical and less "cool".

I like the "cool" stuff. Fights over lava, bridges made of ice, the mud pits of White Plume Mountain...I'm all about that.

So, when 4th Edition came out, I immediately latched onto it--the "cool stuff" seemed more apparent. Everyone gets powers! The Warlock is now a base class! Monsters have genuine roles!

But, there were reservations...4th Edition scraps the Great Wheel cosmology, which I've loved for a long while. Dragonborn replaced Orcs/Half-Orcs as a base race...ugh. A dark, pseudo-gothic setting (i.e. Ravenloft) seems almost impossible to pull off, with rules as written. Something of an increased reliance on minis/tactical combat?

So, I got a little skeptical.

But, in the end...this is still D&D! And, the more previews that are released, the more my grognard-ism drifts away...which is a glorious thing, since one of the biggest selling points of 4th is the ease of DMing, through unified, simple rules. Here's for hoping that this is the case, but we'll see. The 6th approaches, and my check card's already locked and loaded...

In Which The Warlock Has a Place To Sit!

So, we've had a problem with the last few games that we've run. It's not been player issues, not timing, not characterization, and not plotting....

...it's been seating.

The PlatinumChick and I bought a nice kitchen table set from Value City Furniture, complete with four chairs. The table has held up immaculately well, and looks nice in our living-room/kitchen, but the chairs? Not so much.

The chairs that came with it had a wooden seat, with a metal backing and legs. The problem with this was the fact that the frame was held together with tiny aluminum screws and washers which promptly broke. For over a year, we haven't been able to sit in our own kitchen chairs, for fear that the frame would literally collapse beneath us. The worst chair of the bunch was moved up against the kitchen wall, so that there was at least some support if someone sat there....though we not-so-subtly encouraged them not to sit there.

However, the winds have changed, mes amices!

Courtesy of our happy local K-Mart, we now have a full complement of all-wood chairs to complement our table. What's best? They match!

At last, we have a suitable area to WEGS it up! At last, we can cluster around the battlemap and burn the xenos of Dark Heresy! The Crystal Pot shall rise again!

Woot!!

In Which The Warlock Wishes He Had Some Power Armor...

What a weekend of geekdom. Life is good, aside from the fact that my back has been killing me since about 4 pm today, for unknown reasons. However, the last few days have more than made up for it.

Yesterday, the Witt RP-Guild held their bi-yearly LARP in Bayley Auditorium. Lionel put this one together, much as he put together the "Diplomacy" LARP last year. Running a role-playing event for 15 people is no easy task, but Lionel's results are regularly great. He puts in a ton of time and effort, and the games themselves speak to that effort.

This year's LARP put us on the S.S. Triton Bay, a massive ship that capsized in the middle of the Bermuda Triangle. Stuck in the ship's cargo hold, our characters connived and backstabbed their way through the "Poseidon Adventure"-esque scenario...that is until the Marines arrived...

As Yannosey Cuthbert Allgrave III, my major task was to purchase a recently unearthed sarcophagus from a black marketeer to add to his collection. While I wasn't successful in this regard--the sarcophagus radiated evil like a heat lamp, which somehwat brought down the desire on it--I did get to play a massive misogynist twit, much to the chagrin of my long-suffering personal assistant Ms. Lovegood.

(And, for the record, neither Lionel or I actually realized the Bond-esque awfulness of Ms. Lovegood's name until the day of the LARP. At least it's better than Dr. Holly Goodhead!)

However, that's not what you want to hear about...nor is my new Dark Heresy campaign, but I'm going to tell you about that instead! :D

So, the PlatinumChick is notorious for her dice luck. Or, to be more specific, her lack thereof. In d20 games, it's always Natural 1. In WEGS, or other percentile games, it's always 99 or 00.
In Dark Heresy, she's found a new bane--the Willpower test.

Thusfar, our intrepid Acolytes have come out of cryogenesis aboard the Emperor's ship "Persephone", only to find the ship ransacked and nearly torn apart by daemons, loose through the Warp. Daemons have, associated with them, a Willpower test to avoid a fear aura. The first session centered around the PCs exploring a warehouse and attempting to find their stored gear...while being assaulted by a daemonic horror.

Jules? As soon as she got within the fear aura, her character failed her Willpower test, breaking ranks and screaming off into the dark. Typically, it takes a Willpower test to break out of the fear. She spent no less than 7 rounds--the duration of the combat--failing Willpower tests.

So, this past session, we hoped for something a little more helpful for her. En route to the astropathic navigation chamber, the PCs had to jury rig their way through several elevators, and were again assaulted by daemons. Again, Jules' character failed the Willpower test and flailed about on a greased floor before passing out. Then, when faced with a massive daemonically-inhabited avalanche of bodies, she simply puked on herself and passed out again.

Man...the effectiveness of first-rank characters. Just like Call of Cthulhu!

Yeah, you didn't want to hear about either of those, did you? Okay, I guess I'll give you what you wanted:

Iron Man

The movie absolutely rocks on toast. It's gotten high praise, even from some of the most critical of Hollywood reviewers, which really speaks to its quality. This may well be one of the best comic-book movies of all time. It's that good.

Iron Man begins in medias res, with billionaire industrialist/weapons developer Tony Stark riding in a convoy to an Afghani airbase following a demonstration of his newly-developed Jericho missile system. Pure to the Iron Man continuity, the convoy is blown out of the water by guerilla insurgents, and Stark is injured by one of his own weapons and is captured.

Upon his capture, Stark is given an ultimatum--build a missile for the local warlord (who makes a beautiful reference to perennial IM villain "The Mandarin") or die. Stark, and his fellow captive Yinsen, choose option D--blow the hell out of the insurgents with a powered suit of armor and escape. The experience gives Stark the proverbial kick in the butt that he needs, causing him to simultaneously disband his weapons-development division and begin his own special project--the Iron Man armor.

The plot culminates in two parts industrial-espionage and one part epic mech battle as Stark faces off with business partner-turned-rival Obidiah Stane, wearing a reverse engineered version of Stark's Mark-I armor.

As far as origin stories go Iron Man, the storytelling techniques used by director Jon Favreau really keep viewers interested. We're given the rundown on Stark's past in an awards speech, keeping the exposition brief and the camera on the action. Stark's experimentation with the Mark-II and Mark-III armors, particularly, feel real to viewers. Stark feels like 'one of the guys', tinkering around in his man-cave with hard rock blaring. It's hard not to empathize with someone like that--he feels real, and looks like the billionaire we'd all love to hang out with.

The dialogue, above all else, is what made this movie for me. So often, comic book movie dialogue is stilted and full of bad one-liners (Fantastic Four, I'm looking at you!). In Iron Man, however, the dialogue is quick and snappy--always keeping us interested. Jeff Bridges' lines drip corporate sleaze-man, and the sections between Gwyneth Paltrow and Robert Downey Jr. are simultaneously cute and awkward, as they try to rectify their middling relationship between boss-assistant and romantic-partners.

The special effects, done by titan Industrial Light and Magic, are predictably good, but it's the art designs that make the effects so great. The film's development staff went immediately to recent Iron Man artist Adi Granov to cull some ideas on the Mark-III armor. And their homework has paid off. The armor looks just as if Ol' Shellhead had stepped out of Granov's "Extremis" arc and onto the screen. Brilliant job, on this section.

I'll be honest. When I first heard about Iron Man's casting, I was more than a little worried. Jeff Bridges hasn't really done much of worth in years, and saying that Robert Downey Jr. has had character issues is like saying that geeks like spandex costumes. However, the entire cast delivers a consistently great performance all around. The only real low point in the cast--and I'm nitpicking here--is Terrence Howard's James "Rhodey" Rhodes. That said, he has little to work with, aside from set up for the already-in-the-works sequal. War Machine, anyone?

All told, Iron Man is a class of superhero movie reserved for only the best. To be honest, I'm seriously doubting that any movie this summer can keep up with it. The summer began with a bang, and it's in red and gold.

In Which the Warlock Avoids Pretention...for once...

So, a few nights ago, the PlatinumChick and I sat down and watched a movie that she'd been waiting for quite a while now: Juno. She'd borrowed it from a friend at work, and had to return it, so our evening was pretty much set.

Given all that, I didn't know much about Juno aside from it had to do with Ellen Page getting pregnant and had won an Oscar. That's it. Not much else. So, when I sat down to watch it, I had practically no expectations. They were completely unfulfilled.

Juno is the story of 16 year old Juno MacGuff, a wise-cracking punk-wannabe teenager who ends up sleeping with her best friend Paulie Bleeker and getting pregnant. She attempts to have an abortion, but is guilted out of it, ending up finding an adoption family led primarily by creepy-as-ever-loving-Hell Jennifer Garner. The plot proceeds through her pregnancy in a series of season-themed vignettes and shows the breakdown of Garner's marriage to her (incredibly immature) husband.

Immediately, as the plot became apparent, I smacked my gob--'This is just like
Saved', I said. And it is. I loved Saved--the dialogue was witty, Mandy Moore [Edit--I mistakenly thought this was Lindsey Lohan, but the PlatinumChick straightened me out on the alliterative bitches] played in-type as a righteous bitch, and Macauley Culkin was an unexpected, but pleasant addition. However, two major things drove Saved: the pointed satire of religious hypocracy and dialogue that sounded natural and realistic. Juno, on the other hand, has neither of these.

The framework Juno takes is that of the "hipster"-wannabe...but overshoots the mark so far that it descends into laughability. Juno's dialogue is so unrealistic and pretentious that, instead of looking sleek and hip, it becomes absurd. About a third of the way through the movie, I literally looked at my fiancee and asked "When do people ever talk like this?"

Further, Juno is prone to having acoustic-indie guitar breaks--accompanied by nonsensical rhyming lyrics--at every possible point. The music never varies; it's simply the same sort of tune in a different key or with different lyrics. This bored me, to say the least, yet provided a dissonant chord as the music often didn't fit the action going on-screen.

I realize full-well that Juno was an independent film. When I looked on IMDB, I was actually somewhat shocked at the short shooting period--only 37 days. But that said, the movie is so far up its own ass that it's probably sniffing bile.

Saved was a likeable movie because it appeals to a general audience. That's not necessarily a bad thing! The characters seemed real, because they're people that we can empathize with. We can say "Man, I know someone just like that!" and it draws us into the storytelling.

Juno, on the other hand? Between its bizarre dialogue, its nonsensical guitar breaks, and its unrealistic ending (which really shows no knowledge of the adoption process), it defies us to criticize us, silently screaming "I dare you to not like this." Well, you know what, Juno? Screw you. Saved is a better film across the board and you can suck raw eggs if you don't like it.

That said, Juno does have one bright spot (Ellen Page's semi-nude form notwithstanding): J.K. Simmons. Yes, Spider-Man's own J. Jonah Jameson appears as Juno's sardonic father. Above all others, the best lines are reserved for him, and his presence steals each scene he's in. A fine job, on his part, as he may be the only character that sounds real.

I'm really not sure why Juno won an Oscar. It wasn't a "great" film, and it didn't really accomplish much at the box office. Compared to recent winners, it's mediocre at best. But, then again, that's Hollywood.

The Warlock's Movie/TV Rundown

So, in addition to all of the gaming chaos about to be thrown down starting in June, we have a spectacular summer movie season coming up!

Iron Man, I mentioned earlier. I've been a fan of Shellhead for years, and this is just a massive way to start off the season. However, the Armored Avenger isn't alone!

Not two weeks later, we get hit with the full steam of movies:

May 2 -- Iron Man

May 9 -- Speed Racer
I'm not an anime fan in general, and but I'm genuinely concerned with the Wachkowski Brothers' next film. There's only one reason I would personally go see this, and that's Christina Ricci.

May 16 -- Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian
When Lion/Witch/Wardrobe came out, it was billed and marketed as a spiritual successor to Peter Jackson's "Lord of the Rings" films. While L/W/W did well, it failed in this regard. Prince Caspian, I believe, will put them back on the right track.

May 22 -- Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
I was really skeptical about this one. That is, I was until I saw the trailer. There's hope...especially the section in Warehouse 23!

June 1 -- The Venture Brothers: Season 3
Sweet zombie Christ on a pogo stick, I love this show! The infamous 3rd season has been in development hell for far too long, and it's only finally about to be released.
By the by, here's the trailer!



June 13 -- The Incredible Hulk
A reboot, after the miserable Ang Lee version, I was very impressed by the lead-in and trailer for Edward Norton's newest vehicle. That said, I think this is going to be the red-headed stepchild of the summer blockbuster season. Marketing has really been on the slow side, mainly as Marvel's marketing has headed towards Iron Man instead.

June 20 -- Get Smart
Well, it has Steve Carrell. That's about all. If he can singlehandedly make it float, it'll make some money, but I have few hopes for it.

June 27 -- Wall-E
Pixar has yet to really impress me. Yes, the animation is nice--I get that. Their films are pretentious and lacking real wit. Just try listening to the audio without watching the video. You'll think much differently about their films...particularly Cars and Finding Nemo.

July 11 -- Hellboy II: The Golden Army
Del Toro's vision of Mike Mignola's seminal character was great the first time around, and I'm eager to see more, but I'm somewhat worried about the plot and scripting. Some of the early visuals seem to be less "paranormal, Lovecraftian mythology" and more "Pan's Labyrinth". Still looking forward to this one, though.

July 18 -- The Dark Knight
I had some legitimate problems with Batman Begins, but I genuinely liked it. While Batman-as-ninja and the lack of compelling villainry (Liam Neeson totally phoned in his Ra's al-Ghul, and Scarecrow was a waste of time, which was sad) turned me off, the tone, the visuals, and the attention to detail made me happy. Heath Ledger's Joker, however, looks fantastically insane.

July 25 -- The X-Files: I Want to Believe
Seriously? Are you kidding me? The X-Files are about as relevant as re-runs of Roseanne, by now. I'm not sure who actually green-lit this project, but they need to be flogged for it.

August 1 -- The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor
Just like Incredible Hulk, I get the impression that this will be a dark horse candidate. No doubt that it will hit #1 in the country--there's no real competition that late in the season--but can it hold up to the others this year? My guess is 'no, but it will still be fun.'

August 15 -- Star Wars: The Clone Wars
And you thought that you were done watching Star Wars in a theater? Fools! Lucas will bury you! ANAKIN SMASH!
Yeah, I'm going to see it, too. Don't feel too bad about it--it's life. Just accept that you, too, are a geek, and cannot resist the seductive hiss of a lightsaber.

On that note, bed is calling. Tomorrow, you can expect my review of "Juno", which the PlatinumChick and I viewed this evening.

Random Geek Pic

This picture absolutely screams WEGS to me, as El Willy, Wt2 and Ebbs conspire against us mewling players. The look on Nick's face alone is priceless!

The Calm Before The (Molten?) Storm...

So, I'm in something of a role-playing lull right now. Things are a little on the slow side, but with madness on route that's ready to give me all the gaming I can handle.

While WittCon and GloryCon have come and gone, the next major convention that the PlatinumChick and I will be hitting is, in fact, Bookery Fantasy's annual TopaCon. That's not until Memorial Day weekend, so we have a fair amount of time to relax before it kicks off the madness that will be June.

However, we do have a few happy events between now and then, which will keep me occupied.

As I mentioned in my last post, I'm really jazzed about running Dark Heresy this week for our usual weekly crew. I've had an idea for an opening scenario mucking around in my brain for a while, so this will be something fun. Think Aliens meets The Thing, meets Fallout. Should be very interesting.

Lionel and Ebbs have also been diligently planning the Guild's great one shot/LARP for this semester. I can tell this one is going to be great, mainly because Lionel's been so tight-lipped about it. Usually, he and I hash out all sorts of ideas for games that either of us run, but this time? No, not so much. The only thing that I've been able to milk out of him is that it will deal with the Bermuda Triangle, and that the setting is a cruise ship. Now, knowing that my fellow Witt-Wegger Illuminatus just picked up the Call of Cthulhu Bermuda Triangle sourcebook...I get the impression there's going to be some good ol' fashioned sanity-blasting-horror-from-beyond! Woot!

May 2nd, though, kicks of Summer Blockbuster season with a film I've been aching to see: Iron Man. I'll admit, I was really skeptical when Robert Downey Jr. was announced to be playing Ol' Shellhead, but he's really convinced me. He has the smarmy arrogance necessary to pull off the smug Tony Stark. I'm sure I'll be seeing this one on opening day.

It's June that gets it all started, really. The day after I get out Summit, D&D 4th Edition is released, and the PlatinumChick and I head off to Wheeling for a friend's wedding. While we have the next weekend off, the next week is a massive one--my birthday, the 21st, is also Free RPG Day! Thank you, geeks of the world, thank you for a glorious birthday present--lots and lots of RPG swag. Woot!

And then, the big one...Origins. Plans are already set, rooms are already reserved, and we're waiting with baited breath for event registration to start up. It'll be great to hit up all the hot gaming action, meet up with the WEGS-Hogz yet again, and enjoy the massive spectacle.

Regarding Origins, I've finally decided what I'm going to do with my brainchild, Dungeon Slam! While I'm reluctant to show it off to the major populace, El Willy's been aching to play it. So, ideally, we'll pull up one of the open tables at the Convention Center and get our collective crews together to throw down in the Mad Mage's dungeon!

Further, I've come upon a great solution for a problem that's been plaguing Dungeon Slam! for a long time. You see, in Dungeon Slam!, you have 6 major stats:
Strength governs your To Hit and Damage.
Intellect governs your Spellcasting and Puzzle/Trap tests.
Toughness governs your Health and (possibly) your Defense.
Quickness governs your First Strike, Hazard tests and (possibly) your Defense.
Wits governs your Arcana amount.

And Luck...well, Luck really didn't govern anything, for quite a while. However, that's changed!

With our last playtest, we tried out a new rule. Typically, you could spend an Arcana to re-roll any dice roll (once only!). While this was useful, you couldn't necessarily guarantee any results--after all, you've gotta play the Odds and Gods, right?
Our new rule is that, while you can still spend an Arcana to re-roll if you so choose, you also have an option to spend an Arcana to add your Luck bonus to any dice roll. Only thing is that, if you do so, you cannot re-roll that test!

Basically, this gives the players a degree of choice. If it's a test they seriously need help on, adding the Luck score to the roll could make a massive difference. However, if you keep your Luck high, you're keeping your Wits low, which means you have less re-rolls and Luck adds in general. Plus, you're keeping yourself from re-rolling, which can mean the difference between life and death!

At first, I thought adding this rule would be somewhat unbalanced, but preliminary playtesting has shown the breakdown of Arcana use to be pretty equitable. On tests that have a 50/50 shot to succeed, players tend to use Arcana more for re-rolls than Luck adds. However, in more dire straits, the Luck add seems to be more popular--for good reason!

One of the nice side effects of this, though, is that it speeds up the game. Players are more likely to take on higher-level monsters faster, if they know they can add a +5 or +6 to their base die rolls. This leads to faster advancement and loot gain, which means that players start hitting Skull Sanctum a lot earlier. While play-time has been around 3 hours so far, pretty consistently, I wouldn't be surprised to see it trimmed down by a full half-hour simply because of the faster advancement!

It'll be exciting to see how this all hashes out before El Willy and Krew take a look at my project come June. Hopefully, I'll pick up a third revision printing, ready to go for the new sessions!